Cheapskate dating.

Coffee, drinks and polite conversation--dating is hard.

The date in my mind’s eye: dressing ‘up’ to go someplace boring yet expensive (drinks, dinner a movie?) with a person I don’t really know–and possibly don’t want to know–Running the risk of being bored to tears (or just plain shocked and awed) until the bill comes.  Argh! Ok, ok, maybe things will go well and you’ll have a polite conversation that sounds a bit like a job interview with flirting . . .double argh!!!

At the end of it all, you’ve spent quite a bit of money on something that you didn’t really enjoy(especially if your a  man who insists on paying for everything OR if your a man dating a woman who expects you to pay for everything–sorry guys).  Not fun, not frugal!  I’d rather go to the dentist and be drilled.  If you think about it, both experiences involve a loss of time, expense, discomfort and polite yet inane conversation–but at least with the dentist you get something for your money.

But I have a better solution to finding (or stumbling upon) a partner . . .or just someone to have fun with.

Enjoy being single and take advantage of things you can do because you’re single.  First of all, being single is fun.  You can go where you want, keep your home exactly as you like it, pick up and leave for the weekend, wear hideous pajamas or no pajamas, read up on the classics, take classes, do sports.  Think big in this department.

By enjoying being single you’re likely to become a more interesting person with independent ideas, passions . . .a soul. You’re likely to know what you enjoy which will help you find other people who might enjoy something similar. If you’re not someone who likes to spend lots of money on cocktails, dinners out and movies then you’re not likely to meet someone who does if you spend your time say, playing Frisbee or gardening.

Find other people who share your passions and spend time with them–doing things you already like. Some of these people might spark your interest romantically.  If so, great.  If not, oh well, at least you spent your time doing what you already enjoy! If you meet someone you think you might like, you can invite them to do something you enjoy–and this can be an activity that costs nothing.  You might even decide to that someone’s passions and interests help you re-define attractive.

Skip conventional dating altogether. DH and I met at work, chatted a bit and discovered we both enjoyed running and hiking.  We went on a few hikes together, DH  noticed that I could hike as fast as he could and did so without complaining –and the rest was history.  If we spent money on our ‘dating’ phase, it was on gas and an occasional sandwich for a long hike.  Had we never developed a romantic interest in one another, our time would still not have been wasted because we were both already doing something we love.

Maybe hiking isn’t for you.  Here are some ways I’ve seen people meet or get to know each other:

• writing clubs, book clubs
• conferences on topics that interest you
• travel
• athletic activities
• rare tree club (no joke)
• language exchanges (fun and free!)
• Chess, checkers or cards
• Cooking and wine-tasting (ok, this one costs money, but if it’s your passion, you’re already doing it, right?)
• art galleries, shows etc
• volunteer projects

I bet you can think of some passions that you could share with other people (without wasting time or money) in the place of ‘dating.’ Feel free to share.  And if anyone actually did have a good experience with traditional dating, I’m very, very curious.