6 ways to keep a job you hate from ruining your life!
Most people (with a few fascinating exceptions) wouldn’t work if they didn’t need the money. Although I’m currently happily unemployed, I plan to go back to work. Like everyone, some days, I won’t feel like going! Sometimes you have a decent job that pays the bills and you just need to avoid burnout, boredom, lack of inspiration. You’ll find some interesting tips to improve your 9-5 work life over at Oil and Garlic. . . In this post, however, I’m not talking about that job.
I’m talking about the job where you step out of staff meetings and beat your head on the wall a few times for relief. The one that makes you fantasize about your stinky, close-talking, harassing supervisor flying off a cliff on his Vespa–taking his ridiculous helmet with him (ok, that’s my own personal fantasy;) ) Or you might be like a friend of mine who worked for a few months under a psychotic, homophobic she-devil. He called me after work one day and described his personal (unhealthy) coping technique:
Every day after work, I go home, pour myself a glass of wine and cry for about an hour.
–that job.
Don’t know what I mean? Good! If you do know, this post is for you. Here are six better coping strategies–better than hoping your boss will cruise off a cliff or sipping Cabernet and crying on the phone to friends:
1. Evaluate your need for this particular job–write it down!
Consider finding a place to transition from work to home--like a park, cafe or library.
As your realized your job was sucking the life out of you, you no doubt started to ponder this question. Now take it a step further. (It’s ok if you’re in bad shape, you can do this while whimpering, sipping wine or visualizing the demise of your boss). Divide your list into two vertical columns. On the left, write down the reasons you are staying put: need the salary, high pay, under contract, can’t find new job in this economy, like working next to bozo who tells same dumb jokes on the phone . . .over, and over.
Once you complete the left column, go down the right side and see if you can think of any other possible way of meeting your needs: jobsearch, freelancing, cutting back expenses, live in RV, become Buddhist monk . . .
You may have options you hadn’t considered. You may also realize that you can create options for yourself–networking with friends, cutting back on spending so you can work in a different industry. Yes, these are long-term projects, not a quick pass out of purgatory. But working towards something else will probably make you feel better anyhow.
2. Read up on your rights at work, document violations and look for ways to report them.
No one likes a lawsuit and no one likes to go up against a supervisor, but being ’stuck’ in a job doesn’t have to mean accepting abuse. Keeping a list of ‘unfortunate events’ with their dates and the people present/responsible on a private file AT HOME, can prepare you for the reporting phase. So can becoming informed and even possibly seeking a little legal advice–I’m not an HR expert, but a few deft web searches can probably enlighten you about your rights. Then, once you find the competent human resources worker, board member or supervisor to complain to, you will be confident, rational, professional and prepared: probably unlike the people you maybe having grievances about . . .just a hunch.
3. Do the minimum required not to be fired!
I must credit my brother with this advice. I don’t always take his advice by the way, but I must admit, he’s right on this. It feels strange not to do your best, but if you work in a true snake pit, the quality of work and work ethic don’t count for much anyhow. Although Oil and Garlic’s suggestion that you take on an extra project can work wonders if you’re trying to refresh your interest in a decent job, don’t try this if your job actively makes you insane! Investing yourself further is not the solution! So just relax. This strategy will help you conserve more energy for finding another job and for life outside of work . . .
4. Put extra effort into outside pursuits.
Spend time with friends and family and do not discuss work! Avoid going out for drinks on Friday night with colleagues (unless they truly add to your humor and joy to your experience of life in the gulag). Exercise. Partake in something that inspires you.
Avoid letting your disgust at work creep into your life at home. Consider stopping by a third location on your way home as a transition–say at a park, at the beach or cafe . . . shooting range–to wind down and leave the work day completely behind. Actually in San Diego, there was a strange little shop downtown where you could buy old dishes, vases and breakables and hurl them at a wall for a while. . .safety goggles included, I heard.
5. Scrutinize your budget, cut back on expenses, save up an emergency fund and pay down debt.
Yep, if you hate your job that much now, chances are you’ll hate it even more in two to three months. One strategy I’ve often found very empowering is knowing exactly how much money I need to survive. That way, you’ll know what job offers you can accept, how long you can live while unemployed, etc. Besides, the most horrific job situations also tend to be precarious. Hedge your bets now. You’ll feel better and you’ll be prepared to make a move if needed. . . or if the opportunity presents itself. If you need a little extra push in this direction, check out ‘How to live with less–without the embarrassment.’
6. Have a sense of humor and don’t be afraid to use it!
I was only partly kidding about using the image of a supervisor on a Vespa flying into oblivion to cope. That image made me laugh and helped me survive at one time–so did the accompanying Doppler affect sound byte in my mind. When it comes to finding the humor, I could not be more serious.
Create funny mental images of the worst offenders at work–it gets easier with practice! Remember particularly amusing and oft-repeated expressions from your boss or offensive colleagues. Sometimes things that seem wretched at the time can, in fact, make you laugh later.
Hi dearie! Being a writer/novelist, I’ve had my share of icky jobs just to pay the car insurance and nothing more. The most helpful piece of advice I’ve ever come across is this:
“A job is not work. Work is deep, it gets under your skin, it stirs your soul, it’s your passion. A job is a series of tasks that you perform so that you make money for the company. In essence, your employer rents you to perform tasks.”
How cool is that? Now, I no longer call my job ‘work.’ My novels are work. My job is a series of tasks. It separates my employee self from my creative self. Whew!
While all six of your suggestions are on the money, I am clearly practicing #3 as I type this comment in the sweet spot of the morning working hours. It is my favored coping mechanism.
Obviously, #1 led me to believe that I must remain in this purgatory despite its torments. Neither residing in a Winnebago nor donning saffron robes suggested themselves as the salvific solution. But having done #5 has given me more peace of mind, in the event I am eventually caught out for #3. And I’ve come to realize frugality and saving are good practices for their own sake.
But it is #6 that I find vital in the daily grind. Particularly since several of my colleagues have become toxically embittered and feel the need to seek my counsel and share their anger. I just hope it isn’t the laughter of the damned.
Thanks for the breath of sanity in the midst of it all.
Oil and garlic–just to make sure, I’m not arguing your post was not up to snuff! It was just on a slightly different topic! And yeah, it’s way too easy to let the job from hell impact your social life. The best thing is to get out–the other stuff is just short term first aid.
Meg, excellent quote. And yes novels are work! I’m very impressed with your having finished multiples. I must get to work on mine again. Sigh.
Tollermaus–the laughter of the damned: if you’re damned anyway, you might as well laugh. And I’d kind of forgotten about the colleagues from the ‘dark side.’ That’s the thing, you can start out joking with people about a shared negative experience, but when people come to you to rehearse their anger all the time, it’s not so good for your morale. By the way, excellent work checking out blogs on the job! You’re doing very well on #3.
I have a draft sitting my blog folder about this very subject that also references Oil & Garlic’s post. I’m adding this to the links as well! Excellent advice.
I’m a big believer in the minimum thing as well. I’ve been in one too many toxic environments and competence can cause you even more problems in crazy-making gigs. I know it sounds nuts, but it’s so true!
Consciously Frugal–thank you for confirming my observation that competence can be an actual liability in some places! I know this to be true, but it sounds so counter-intuitive that it helps to hear it again! I look forward to your post on the topic.
I think that it’s important to define yourself outside of your job. Too many people define themselves by their job. (In my experience, being asked what you do for a living is one of the first questions asked when you meet someone in a social setting). Work is the last thing I want to talk about when I’m not there!
OlivAmor–This is an excellent point. I sort of touched on it by saying people should have a life outside of work, but I think that stating it more clearly–as you have–would have been even better. If you identify with your job and you hate your job, you have a problem!
[...] and help me to stress less. While working is important, Simple in France has reminded me that our jobs can often make us crazy and even in better job situations, it’s not always good to care too [...]
Great post. When I was in the midst of job unhappiness, I bookmarked a website about getting through the day while unhappy. I had to check it every morning. It helped me until I was able to break free, as this page probably is for someone else stuck in that spot right now!
Emily–yeah, I hoped it could help someone somewhere . . .since I know what that’s like.
The use of #3 at work by some people is actually the fodder some of the rest of us use in applying #6. In all honesty, I wish I could get closer to the minimum, and I’m trying. The worst part is turning down the people who have depended on me so long to do (what has felt like) everything. I hate disappointing people, but I sure like feeling more freedom!
Brian–In normal times, the use of #3 can just be unnecessary laziness and also torture your coworkers. However, once a work environment becomes toxic enough that you start to wonder if it’s affecting the rest of your life, I’d say a little cutting back is not such a bad thing–but it can be hard to do. Also, being the one person who seems to be doing their job and thus ‘winning’ lots of extra responsibility can be a serious trap. It is hard to disappoint others, but it’s worth it in my opinion if it means not taking responsibility (or covering for) others’ lack of competence.
If you have an abusive boss, number 3 won’t work. I have an abusive boss and one of my colleagues quit leaving HR, VP and Directors the letter of resignation, pointing out all atrocities.
That has made my work situation a little better, as the boss is more cautious. But he is still who he is. As they say a scorpion can’t deny its nature.
But I am not quite sure HR is on your side when it comes to helping you. I wrote about this in my post a few weeks ago.
Simple Machine–ouch! I feel your pain. I’ve had abusive bosses and supervisors as well. I’m no expert on this topic, but in my personal experience it’s great to get out if you can–if not, I stick with my #3. Why? Because I noticed my abusive bosses were just as likely to be abusive if I worked my rear-end off as if I took things a little more casually AND I had more energy for fighting back or evading trouble when necessary. Plus, being abused after you worked really hard is somehow more demoralizing to me than being abused when you’re not as invested in your work–perhaps it’s just me.
As for HR–I checked out your post and you’re right, they are there to protect the company’s interest . . . that said, it is not in the company’s interest to be sued because someone is overstepping the bounds of what he/she can legally get away with. In the past, I’ve documented real violations (date, time, people present) and gone to HR with ‘for your info’ updates from time to time. I’ve seen 3 people let go from 2 different employers for making the higher ups afraid that they’d be sued. I also know one person who faced workplace discrimination who was given a nice severance package to leave without suing. She was perfectly happy with that! HR is not going to intervene and make the other person stop, or fight your battles for you–but they will react to evidence piling up that could be used later in a lawsuit against the company (not that you even have to mention a lawsuit. . .)
SIF:
Your comments on other sites are bar-none, and I don’t give you enough credit on your posts.
Your articles are very insightful and I can see why this is one of your popular posts.
#3 & #4 are great, slightly unconvential tidbits. I’d caution on #2 though. It seems employment law favors the employer, and you’d want to clearly differentiate between “gripes” and clear, illegal violations.
FinEngr–Hi and thanks for your kind comment. Oh, and I definitely think that law favors the employer–but if you’re stuck with you back against the wall in a truly abusive situation, you may as well take a few notes. That said, just because a behavior is unfair, annoying and despicable doesn’t make it illegal–thanks for pointing that out. It looks like I didn’t make that clear. (but I do state I’m not an HR expert!)
This tip comes under the ‘humour’ heading….
I often found customers can be far more stressful even than managers, especially those *entitled* ones who have half-digested and mis-remembered whole tracts of consumer law.
To deflate these people, I like to use an online anagram site and input their names… it really can give a whole new mental image of the awkward squad 
Macs–oh the entitled ones. And why do the worst ones always seem to be breaking the law in some way. Sheesh. The anagram site sounds like a good way to blow off steam. . .I’m kind of embarrassed to admit this, but there are also sites where you can go and have a ‘rant’ about your job or read others’ rants. It’s so cathartic. There are emoticons with bazookas as well as some that smash other emoticons with tennis rackets. I don’t know why, but that used to make me feel so much better–usually people’s rants are kind of desperately hilarious. The sort of thing you’re thinking when you say, “Ahem, I don’t think that’s really appropriate, do you?” with a serious and professional look on your face. . .
I like your advice of doing the minimum and not talking about work too often. It’s true that my tips won’t work if you truly hate your boss and/or work environment. While I’ve been in negative work environments, I was fortunate that my actual supervisors were usually very good.
When I did quit my last job, it was a bad boss that drove me to do so. I admit that I did let that experience impact my social life for way too long!