Fighting clutter: can it be painless?
Recently, we discussed some great reasons not to de-clutter. Indeed, paring down possessions isn’t for everyone, and some of us can wisely stay put on the Clutter Continuum. These folks have found happiness without changing–how efficient is that? Some of us, however, may still want to clear out a bit more clutter, but worry that the costs of doing so may be too high, the effort too great.
Which brings us to this week’s question on clutter: How can you make a little more space for yourself without paying the price?
The costs of de-cluttering that SIF readers (you) pointed out last week:
- You’re willing to fight the clutter . . . but not your partner, who may be a packrat! (Pickler)
- You may need that stuff later, and your future income may not allow you to replace it. (Barb)
- It’s a beautiful day out or you’re relaxing after work and you don’t want to spend your free time that way. (Funny about Money)
- Clutter serves as a financial tool or anchor, preventing you from buying more stuff or moving into a huge and costly home. (Funny about Money)
- The items invading your space are related to your interests, hobbies or professions (AMD)
- You may enjoy being able to see the projects you’re working on (2 Cents)
Pretty sound and serious reasons, if you ask me. I’d hesitate to take on clutter too if I thought that it would damage my relationship with my husband, leave me ‘wanting’ later or prevent me from working on my projects in peace. I don’t want to give up my happiness to de-clutter. But I wonder . . .
Could you remove some of the clutter without it ‘costing’ you?
Can you think of any ways to keep the costs of de-cluttering down? Here’s an example off the top of my head: My husband and I have very different degrees of tolerance for clutter. But I’m the kind of person that likes to have it both ways: great relationship with my husband and a house I can walk through, chairs I can sit on etc. I know, I know, sounds revolutionary!
In the case of my husband, I suppose I could have made us both miserable by picking fights with him or getting grouchy about stuff laying around. Have you ever seen that before? One partner who keeps on nagging and another who keeps on doing the exact same thing, out of resistance? Yipes–shoot me now!
But what if I (nicely) let my husband know that, yes, it stresses me out when I come home and every chair has a shirt or pair of pants draped over it . . .but then I also take note of the places DH typically tends to put his stuff, empty his pockets, stack the receipts and just put ‘containers’ there to catch his things. I might say, “Ah, I see you like to empty your pockets each day when you get home. Here is a nifty box where you can keep your loose change, receipts . . .and all those marbles you confiscate from your students. . .” Now we’re all happy–except DH’s students–he still has their marbles.
Really, you could have an entire post on just the topic of getting a spouse to go along with you on the clutter battle . . . but my point here is that you may not have to choose between space to breathe in your home and a good relationship, just like you may not have to choose between having a place to keep your projects ‘out’ and having a comfortable space in which to relax when you aren’t working.
Can you think of any ways to keep the costs of de-cluttering down?
Maybe you’ve had success on this in your own life or perhaps you’ve just had a brainstorm about a way you can avoid some of the potential costs of de-cluttering. Feel free to address the ‘problems’ above or even come up with your own. Remember, happy and unstressed by clutter is what we’re going for here. Not miserable in a bare room with no friends and a pissed off partner.
My husband and I had many years of “talking” it out about clutter & stuff that he leaves all over the place. These on-going communication has resulted in our current agreement: all the rooms in the house shall remain clean, organized, and clutter free; his office/guest room gets to stay messy w/ things on the floor or whatever he does; and the kids will put away their toys at the end of the day. I avoid looking into his office =)
Ok, as the one with the clutter (or atleast if you listen to DH its all my clutter), let me say. Its my stuff and yes I would like it organized and out of the way and maybe just maybe if I wasn’t responsible for everything under the son and and working and had a space of my own that after 5 years of waiting for said space didn’t have every item you don’t want to deal with jammed into it so that I could get into the new space of my own to sort and put things away, maybe just maybe I wouldn’t have so much clutter.
Now lets talk about your clutter. What he sees as my clutter I see as my stuff, what I see as his clutter (video games from 1982 that haven’t been played or dusted since 1982 just because he might someday want to play them again) are his possessions.
So I work slowly and surely and in about 30 years I will have conquered my clutter problem. Its kinda like acholoism. One day at a time.
One thing I liked to collect in the past was nice tins and boxes; I’ll occasionally add to the collection if I find a perfect or really attractive one. And I use these tins to store pins, clips, labels, bags, elastic bands etc in my desk. I also have attractive boxes for old cards and letters, lace and ribbon. So my collection serves a useful purpose and organises clutter in a visually pleasing way. My husband has a couple of places that I turn a blind eye to e.g. his side of the bed – and he sleeps away from the door to hide it! I also have given him some of the more masculine tins for his phone charger, work bits and so on. He’s not as organised as me but I can comfortably ignore his clutter; after all I have more than him!! I clear up at least once a week and so does he.
2 Cents. . .ok, I just warmed up to the idea of having kids and my husband is so excited, but now I’m starting to freak out again;) Yeah, I honestly have no idea. You probably are aware that when you don’t have kids you imagine things going a certain way, and you probably also know that people who do have kids usually find that very amusing.
Teenagers and clutter eh? That sounds like an interesting topic for a blog post. My parents remind my constantly what a messy teenager I was now that i have grown into a full-fledged neat freak.
As a former high school teacher, I can say that teenagers respond well to choices–even if it’s between options you provide. And you know, I’ve worked with adults too. . .I think you actually have more leeway with adolescents . . .and least from a work standpoint. You could start with small, easily identifiable changes like: shoes will no longer be left in the hallway but put in some easy to use location. Also ‘cool’ storage solutions that are easy to use might help. And incentives depending on how important it is to you.
But the entrenched teenager who has made up his/her mind is a force to be reckoned with! So I know better than to think a little advice from an outsider can solve every problem. Who has teenagers here out there?
Jersey mom–we used to have a spare room for my husband when we lived in San Diego. . .I would just close the door to the spare room and everyone was happy! Now we have to compromise a little more since we are trying to save on rent. (goodbye spare room. . .and spare bathroom!). So far, things have gone pretty well, but when we set up, I made sure to put lots of storage in place that he could use–bookshelves, boxes, wicker baskets, a good desk etc. i honestly think a lot of the problem for DH is that he has more stuff than I do–so he naturally needs more space to keep it and when he doesn’t have that, the stuff begins to take over. . .
Tree–wow! (video games since 1982 would freak me out, especially dusty ones.) So, if I understand correctly, you have gotten a space for yourself in your home (like an office?) and your husband uses it for storage? Uh-oh. . .
Attila–sounds like a good plan. I’m imagining the tins and they sound like they look really nice. And I guess the thing I’m hearing from these comments about clutter is that it’s not so much the amount of stuff one has, but the fact that it’s not put away (or can’t fit into the storage space) that has people frustrated. So having the things you want stored in a manageable way seems to make sense.
SIF – I’ve learned to pick my battles with my teens. Compared to some of the other issues out there, shoes left out in the entrance don’t rattle me at all.
In fact, one of my boys keeps his room as neat as a pin. The other used to, but not anymore. (Luckily, his room is pretty much out of my line of sight most of the time.) When I ask them to pick stuff up, they usually do it, so I can’t really complain.
I can verify that having kids is never quite like you pictured it, nor is your own reaction to parenthood. There have been quite a few surprises for me along the way, and some of them have been very pleasant!
I plead guilty. It’s just hard to find a place for everything. Mind you, I have a habit of throwing things away and then a few months later, regret it because I’ve finally found a use for it.
I need to work on a happy medium.
2 Cents–yep, picking your battles is key. And honestly, I think that keeping the door closed on someone’s mess is probably a good possibility! thanks for the reminder of the ‘pleasant’ surprises of parenting as well.
Thomas–that’s the annoying thing about getting rid of stuff. When I had more room, I used to keep little scraps and random items in a bin for ‘projects.’ The thing is, that kind of stuff can go unused for a long time before you have an ‘aha’ moment. I probably need to work on deciding which stuff to keep!
After I clean up the clutter, all it takes for me to feel defeated by it is one toy out place. So the frustration of the “endless cycle of putting away the same stuff again and again and again” is definitely my problem as well. The “clutter” isn’t going away anytime soon, my reaction to it has to:)
Stay at Home Mom CFO–that’s interesting. I’m sure I’d feel that way putting things back with more people in the house. I don’t know if I would consider a house cluttered just because a few toys are out. I’ve seen people with pretty uncluttered homes that had a few toys around–young kids seem to be playing at all times, so sometimes it seems like putting it all ‘away’ is not necessary. Am I wrong?
That’s really funny—I do the exact same thing with Julio. There’s a wicker basket where I put all the mail, and all his little receipts go in there too. I put his loose coins in little gourd bowls that he brought back from Peru…
I’ve decided though that for the most part, I agree with Stay at Home Mom CFO. I’d rather let the clutter sit around than to constantly pick it up only to have it reaccumulate, and then for me to be constantly pissed about it. Plus, when you put away someone else’s stuff, you have to deal with the responsibility of knowing where you put it in case they actually want to retrieve it at some point. Luckily, we have two floors, so I keep the downstairs clutter-free and don’t worry about the upstairs. We also have an “office” which is mostly a waypoint for various mathoms and stacks of papers. And we have separate bathrooms so I don’t have to worry about that whole mess either!
Pickler–ah the joys of shared space AND separate space. And you make a good point about becoming responsible for knowing where stuff is. That is kind of annoying.
I can totally identify with wanting to have it both ways. I like your ideas for de-cluttering without divorce, but when you have kids, you pretty much need to get used to a little more debris. You can organize toys in cute bins all you want, but if you have kids, you have clutter.
You can still achieve some balance though, by designating regular “tidy up” sessions. It will help keep your sanity and teach your kids about basic responsibilities. That works for younger kids pretty well. I’m open to suggestions on what to do about teenagers!