What do YOU gain by living simply?
Do you ever get the feeling that people around you see your lifestyle as a series of sacrifices?
I suppose you can describe a journey towards frugality or simplicity as a list of things ‘given up,’ things you don’t do. Suddenly, it begins to seem as if you’ve lost something . . .
The costs of a simple, frugal life:
If I decided to equate simplicity with loss, here is a list of things I could feel bad about:
Lounging in the Alps this summer--not missing a single thing on the list to the left!
- not having dinner out
- not going to the movies
- not buying ready-made pastries and breads
- not driving (at least for now)
- not having a gym membership
- never getting a manicure, pedicure or facial
- not buying new unless I can’t find another option
- not shopping for entertainment
Wow, I think I’ll stop there! The list above looks like a life not worth living! No wonder some my loved ones worry about me and try to get me to ‘live a little.’ If you look at it that way, it looks like I’ve given up everything. If I saw things that way, I’d probably rush out to do some ‘retail therapy.’
The hidden treasures of living frugally and simply, an unseen exchange:
If you strive to live a frugal or simple life, you probably already know that you don’t do it for the experience of ‘giving something up.’ You do it for what you stand to gain! The way I see it, I’m trading something I don’t really want for something I do.
(Like when I was young and I’d trade away my candy bar for an orange at lunch. I’m sure some people saw that as my loss, and I’m sure I didn’t care. Nothing beats a great orange! Particularly not some fake-o candy bar. But I digress.)
Some treasures I’ve gained by trading away what I don’t want:
- the chance to move to France with my husband
- the chance to take a hiatus from my career and look into new options
- the ability to choose any career I want because our living expenses are so low! (I love this one)
- a slower pace of life
- a stronger relationship with my husband since we’re both less stressed and we both have more time
I could go on! But I’d like to turn the mental exercise over to you.
What have you gained from living simply, frugally or sustainably? What do you hope to gain? What have you traded in?
It’s fine to share gains that we can’t see, measure or put a price tag on. In fact, those are probably the best ones!
No. 1 is contentment. I have two little proverbs that help me; “if you can’t change anything else, change your attitude” and “don’t do what you like but like what you do”. If I dance to the world’s tune, I am trapped (in debt, discontentment and frustration) but by saying “No, I don’t want what you offer” I am able to make my own choices and be free.
I also, like you, gain more time with my husband, more time to do what I want. I have learned to enjoy the work that goes along with our simple life and now it’s part of what makes me happy.
PEACE OF MIND. Above all else living a simpler life means we have peace of mind. One parent has always been home with our children. We enjoy cooking at home (its quite the experience to learn a new “restaurant recipe” and recreate it at home, without the price tag, the wait or the noise.
So you don’t go out to eat, that doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy a truly romantic candle lit dinner (after all how romantic is it when you are constantly being watched and interupted to refill water, do you want desert…
So you don’t go out to the movies (has there been a movie released in the last decade worth $10, 3 hours, the crowds the hassels, the rude people with cell phones….
So you don’t enjoy the same things other people do, you enjoy what makes you happy and you have plenty that makes you happy.
People are not entirely concerned about you, yes they are concerned that you are living a deprived life, because it is a life they are afraid to live, but more of their concern is a subconscious fear that they might themselves be forced to live that way, instead of choosing to live that way.
It always come back to stress for me. I don’t miss the things you’ve listed, and you make the point well — it’s really not about loss. It’s about gain. Gaining time, peace, sanity, freedom!
Jersey Mom– I agree that when you give something up voluntarily because it’s no longer what makes you happy–well, it’s just not a loss. But sometimes I think people looking in from the outside see some kind of deprivation going on. And thanks for the link to your own story. It looks like you’ve made some serious changes yourself!
Attila, those are great proverbs and you’re right, sometimes you don’t have to take what society has to offer, but make your own way. Thanks as always for your comments!
Tree–as always, thanks for the great comment! I love this part:
“has there been a movie released in the last decade worth $10, 3 hours, the crowds the hassels, the rude people with cell phones….”
That is an excellent question–and I feel that the ‘movie experience’ has gotten a lot less exciting–or I’m just more comfortably at home these days. And I hadn’t thought about the possibility of people’s ‘worry’ for me being about some kind of discomfort at seeing me live that way. Interesting . . .
Emily–true, the stress. Oh, I was such a stress monger before we made this little shift. I was thinking today how I can deal with the stress of my husband being in the hospital better than some of the fast-paced job stress I have known in my day. . .I just have time to deal with it! And sanity–always a good thing!
Satisfaction of living the best way of life.
I finally feel like a adult by living simply. Taking responsibly for our debt and choosing to live frugally was the right thing to do all along – but we deluded ourselves with not necessarily “stuff”, but with a life we didn’t “earn” per say. Now that we have control (well we’re getting there:)) my perspective on giving up things has changed. We have three kids, but only recently because of the “hard sacrifices” do I not feel like a child myself!
Sense of Home–sounds good to me!
SAHM CFO–Welcome and thanks for stopping by. That’s a very profound statement–that you no longer feel like a child. It sounds like everything you gave up was worth it.
I read your comments on a similar post at Being Frugal.
I’ve been simplifying by decluttering my house and giving up on things that did not matter that much to me. Find myself becoming more relaxed and contented.
If I’m at a cluttered house I start to get antsy and thinking ‘how can you live like this?’. Have to work on that judgemental thing I suppose.
David–true! I also occasionally find myself wondering how people can live the way they do . . . so I guess it should not surprise me so much that they wonder the same about me. You’re right. That is something to work on!
I love that photo of you relaxing. It really shows you are relaxing 
Joyful–hah! I’m looking forward to more lounging in the sun this summer. . . once that snow melts!
I’ve gained exactly the same things as you, apart from the moving to France bit 
I didn’t realise just how much of a positive effect my leaving my soul destroying job would have on my marriage; we may have half the income but we’ve gained so much more.
Move to Portugal–’the soul destroying job’ is always a good thing to leave and I agree wholeheartedly on the effects of putting something like that behind you on a marriage. Nothing but good can come of that! Thanks for stopping by.
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[...] Simple in France wants to know “What do Gain by Living Simply?”. She also details some of the sacrifices she needed to make to gain the “simple” life. Is it worth it in the end? [...]
The thing I love about simplicity is that anyone can start at any time at any level. It is the easiest thing to get into and you get a very quick return on your efforts, even small ones (unlike some other pursuits).
We went from being tired of commuting and working too hard to selling all of our possessions to travel around the world. Now, it took a few years to get from point A to point B (and point B wasn’t even on the radar when we started), but you can see how taking steps toward simplicity opens up what is really important in your life.
And I second the point about the stronger relationship – we have never been happier now that we have less crap in the way of really being together. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Spending only on what we truly value and skipping the stuff we do not value has put our whole life in balance. We never regret or second guess our spending because it’s on things or experiences we truly value. We travel extensively with our kids and happily skip new cars, trendy wardrobes, giant TVs with 500 channels, etc. It’s not the choices other families make and that’s exactly the point. It’s what makes us happy and we wouldn’t have it any other way.
I find funny when someone comments on something clearly frugal that we’ve done, and then says “I wish we could afford to take our kids to Europe for a month like you”… Hmmmm.
Very interesting to see that those who are pestering me about sacrifices mention exactly the same things (except the facials and the pedicures — which is even more interesting. Obviously it’s because I’m a guy but it just shows how idiosyncratic these consumer default choices are). Is eating out and season tickets the sole source of happiness and meaning for the average person?
Betsy, thanks for sharing your story . . . As for your point about making the first step opening up what’s important in life–I agree. I think that once you let go of the stuff that doesn’t matter, you start to realize what does matter. By the way, I’m looking forward to checking out your blog this weekend!
JMK–Hmm I think that would annoy me: on the one hand having someone make a remark on my ‘frugal’ ways and on the other remarking on the things I can afford! But I think it’s great that you take your kids to Europe. What an interesting learning experience.
Jacob–Don’t tell me you’ve never had a pedicure By the way, I’ve sustained significant pressure in the ‘beauty’ department during my life! I get pressured to dye my hair, to get a pedicure, facial a wax (yipes!). As if that meant ‘living a little.’ I really don’t even see skipping all that as a sacrifice–and you’re right, probably most men don’t either!
Maybe all of this pestering people to ‘live a little’ is more an attempt to get you to conform to a role people can relate to? As some of the people who comment here have mentioned in previous discussions, the decision not to partake in an activity is sort of a judgment.
By not getting a pedicure, I’m sort of advertising the fact that I think it’s a little strange or at least not worth it. By not having seasons passes to some sporting event, you may be demonstrating a judgment you’ve made as well. I guess people are uncomfortable with the possibility of being judged? Makes sense.
Or perhaps they just can’t put themselves in your shoes. Just like I can’t understand the ritualistic need to watch other people do sports. . .
I think that’s true. Judging others is favorite human activity #1. And being judged is human pestilence #1. It all stems from humans being a social animal. In terms of conformity, the most conforming way of being unconventional seems to be to travel. If I was traveling, everybody would think my life was “amazing/incredibly awesome”. I don’t, because I don’t find travelling personally rewarding, so I’m not. Same thing with the fiscal level. If I had retired with a million dollars, it would be socially okay. Since I retired with less, it’s a problem that has to be continuously defended. Of course this is only a problem insofar I’m trying to sell an “anticonsumer” lifestyle. It is certainly easier to do so if the obvious manifestations are fairly conventional.
Jacob–I love the observation you made here: “the most conforming way of being unconventional seems to be to travel.”
Choosing to live your own way is the most important thing you can do, because it allows you to come as close as possible to putting your ideas/values in to practice. You can’t let fads, society or pressure decide this for you or pressure you to do otherwise. –Even if that societal pressure comes under the guise of being “free from constraints or unconventional!”
By the way, technically, I consider myself to be ‘traveling’ at my own pace–I live in France and not in San Diego where I was born. So I could argue, I’m having an incredibly slow ‘foreign’ experience that is also much more detailed and rich than the fast version. I value getting to know every side street , trail and village plus the cultural particularities of this region of France–instead of say, a whirlwind tour of every capital city in Europe.
You could actually claim the same yourself. You are living in the Bay Area although you were born in Denmark (if I remember correctly). That means that you are also experiencing a culture and learning about a ‘foreign’ region yourself–on a level of detail that is much more profound that someone who passes through for a month and stays in a hotel . . . In my opinion, being bi-cultural is “amazing/incredibly awesome”
[...] What do YOU Gain by Living Simply? @ Simple Life in France [...]
I think when you voluntarily “give up” certain things, it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice. You voluntarily decided to live this way; hence you don’t feel like you’re missing out.
Like you, I voluntarily gave up a certain lifestyle, check http://randomthoughtsofajerseymom.blogspot.com/2010/03/from-first-class-to-coach-and-im-ok.html so even when my mom wonder why I won’t “live a little”, I tell her I’m fine.