Have you ever felt poor?
I must admit that both times in my life where I felt poor, I was quickly reminded that I didn’t even know what poor was.
Back in college, I struggled to make ends meet and felt a kind of constant pressure and worry about money. Until I studied abroad in Madagascar and learned that really, my worries were quite petty.
I fell into the same trap of thinking we didn’t have enough when I lived in the Silicon Valley with my husband.
We were hardly poor! We just couldn’t ‘keep up’ (or didn’t want to keep up) with the standard of consumption we saw all around us. When we moved to France for the first time in 2003 and lived on much less in an expensive city, we felt significantly “poor-er.”
To some extent feeling poor is relative.
I remember hearing a fascinating story on NPR at the start of the ‘recession’ where a woman who lived in Washington DC on minimum wage explained that the economic crisis didn’t really worry her. She earned $1200 a month and spent $900. She didn’t own a car or go out for coffee or to the movies. She knew that if she lost one job, she’d find another.
Would we call this woman poor? I suppose we could say she was living in poverty. . .by US standards. Not everything she spoke about sounded like fun, then again, she didn’t entirely seem to mind living on minimum wage–perhaps it was a choice even.
What about the feeling of losing something? Can that make you feel poor?
Recently on Almost Frugal, Emily posted about her experience with bankruptcy. I have not had such an experience; I imagine it to be stressful, painful–I suppose you might even feel poor?
But are people who go through bankruptcy poor?
People in this situation may have more money coming in than someone who lives on minimum wage, it’s just that they have even more money going out. A cash flow problem as my grandfather used to call it.
I save money by making our pasta myself, does that make us poor?
That brings me to poverty in other countries, of course.
I’ve seen it, you’ve seen it. And if we need a reminder, we can review this post by Forrest at Frugal Zeitgeist about people who make do in Cairo through their own recycling initiative. I wonder if people who live in such places and in such conditions also consider themselves to be poor or if they’re just too busy going about their daily lives to worry about such distinctions.
Please don’t think I’m saying that being poor is always a relative condition or that I’m minimizing true poverty.
I remember reading in Deep Economy (one of my favorite books, by the way!) that, for people who really don’t have much, a little extra wealth or money usually does result in additional happiness. McKibben argues, however, that as we become more affluent, more doesn’t necessarily mean better or happier. Which leaves us all to answer the question: what is enough?
Money troubles are miserable and stressful–regardless of how your money troubles compare to those of others. Sometimes, if you’re lucky: you can feel better just by changing your outlook. Sometimes, what you really need is a little more money or food for your family. Regardless of the situation, deciding whether or not you are poor is unlikely to be helpful–in my humble opinion.
Have you ever felt poor? Did feeling poor help motivate you to make do? How do you ‘hang in there’ when you have money troubles?
That’s a very good question. I have never been poor and never felt that way. I know I’m fortunate. However, relative to others in my town, we do look poor and we’re okay with that. =)
I don’t feel poor, I feel strangled by debt. I feel deprived of freedom of doing what I would want to do with my money, rather than deprived of money.
I just feel stupid rather than poor, because we should have known better!
Can’t say that I have ever really felt poor. Felt sorry for myself a couple of times when I didn’t have any money.
While there are others who have a lot more money and ’stuff’ than I do, don’t feel I am missing anything important. Overall, doing pretty well.
Took early retirement last year. Less money coming in. But I am a lot happier.
I did feel poor a few years ago (we were spending $700/month in daycare and $500 in gas for my commute!). Now, we have a smaller budget and could easily live on less and I feel richer. I appreciate the simple things a lot more. Feeling poor did motivate me to make do. I did what I had to do. I got a part time job and squeezed pennies until they bled. Sometimes I think the times we have struggled with money have been God’s greatest gift to us.
Feeling a bit better, today, thanks.
Poverty; I suppose I have always been poor by UK standards, but the only time I felt it was about 10-12 years ago. This was the time when my illness/disability really came on and before I was awarded disability benefits. I was always used to making do, living on fresh air and nothing and just plain old doing without. After we married, my husband was the only wage earner and only part time, but it was ok, we had time together and made all our meals from scratch, gardened and walked around the shops to get the best deals. Most of our clothes were hand me downs or second hand and we were fine. When I got too ill to walk anywhere, too ill to cook and do all the cleaning, life became incredibly hard. He had to push me everywhere in a wheelchair and poverty was bitter, hard and demoralising. We had exactly the same amount of money coming in but life was so hard because of my illness. Just to be able to get a taxi (we didn’t have a car then), to order a takeaway, to pay someone else to do things, would have made our life so much easier.
Today, we have some savings (mainly for another car when this one goes kaput), my DH still works part time, we have enough money to get some treats that make life easier and we know we can buy a new washing machine or fridge freezer if necessary. Our actual income is still way below the average in the UK (and I am counting in my disability benefits, which wouldn’t generally be counted as income because they are for needs beyond that of a healthy/non-disabled person). But we don’t feel poor at all.
Just after leaving university I was basically nearly broke all the time but I was happy. I was getting married that fall and I had lots of good friends and I was busy doing things that I liked.
I could have been concerned poor by others, but I always look back at that time in my life with fondness. So I guess I would say I’ve never ‘felt’ poor myself.
Good post,
Tim
I was technically raised in poverty and there were moments where I felt poor as kid, but that was mostly a result of comparing myself to wealthy friends (we couldn’t afford “Guess” jeans!). My mother was amazing at making sure we had a sense of abundance despite the fact that she frequently didn’t have money for food, etc.
I was technically homeless for a brief period of time long ago, but because I had friends and family, I never experienced the kind of fear and pain that truly homeless individuals feel. It’s amazing what kind of buffer a support system of family and friends can provide.
Anyhoo, our standard of living dramatically improved after my parents finished college. I had the typical broke college years and my poor personal finance skills led to some unpleasant things–heat being turned off in the middle of a Midwestern winter, etc.
But I never really felt truly poor, because I’ve always known folks worse off than I. I know that some people don’t like it when you get all “relative” on them, but I’m a firm believer that a broad perspective is important. Knowing how to manage money AND making more money has made a tremendous difference in my life, but I have never confused myself with a starving woman who can’t feed her children and must pay for them to attend primary school. That’s poverty. I have been tremendously blessed by the simple luck of my place of birth and to deny that would be silly.
Thanks for this very thoughful medidation on poverty. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt poor, as my family has always been materially blessed. But I have felt deprivation, that sense of wanting something almost achingly and being denied. It seems to me that the real curse of poverty is the limitations it imposes. Today you will have rice, tomorrow rice, next week rice, never a suckling pig and roast potatoes or an aspargus fritata, etc. (BTW, your farfalla look very tasty!) And beyond the material limitations are those of the mind and spirit. To never have enough books to read or to never experience symphonic music or visit a museum. These are real deprivations. Mine, on the other hand, have all been of the sort where I’ve been passed over for a promotion I wanted or been rejected by a person with whom I really wanted a relationship — not so much material desires as aspirational. In my latter years, I’ve learned to forgo these aspirations for simpler pursuits. I’ve found that it is better to treasure the friend you have than pine for someone who won’t reciprocate. And in my job, I’d rather pursue less chaos than more power.
There were times in college and right out of college when I held my breath opening bills — the fear of not being able to pay them was real. Now, I don’t jump up and down when I get a bill, but I’m no longer a student making part-time minimum wage, either. I would say I have worried about money plenty, but never felt truly poor.
That said, once your basic needs are met (food, shelter, etc.), wealth really is about perception. I am acquaintances with someone who runs their own business. He’s an artist type. He likes to talk A LOT about how hard it is to be a small business owner and artist, etc. etc., how he doesn’t make a lot of money, but he’s following his passion. I completely sympathized and worried for him, too.
Months later I visited his house for the first time.
It’s twice (!) the size of ours and much, much fancier.
I learned he clears $200,000 a year.
Um.
THAT’S what he considers a small business? Jesus. I still feel uncomfortable hanging out around him now — I feel like I was sort of snowed into buying his whole struggling artist/self-employed schtick. But maybe to him, it’s not a schtick… he has lots of wealthy friends and I think he really believes that with a big house and $200k a year, he’s a below-average guy.
Annoying.
I’m with Sophie unfortunately 
Patricia, I think it’s strangely easy to feel poor when you’re working too much. I don’t want to belittle actual, real poverty, but lack of time and a fast-paced existence feels like a kind of poverty to me as well. By the way, 4000 euros a year? Excellent work! Is that for both of you or per person? I’d love to see your budget–I assume cost of living in Portugal is slightly lower than in France, but it would give me some ideas.
Jersey Mom–funny isn’t it, how your context can change the way you view your financial situations–and even really skew your outlook if you let it.
Sophie–A lot of people are in the same position in France and especially in the US! Debt is a strange thing, because you can have money coming in, but it’s all ’spoken for.’
David–Congratulations on the early retirement. As for feeling sorry for myself, I’ve certainly been there as well–not a particularly helpful emotion, at least for me.
Laura–I agree that learning to ‘make do’ with little money is a skill you can take with you later. I definitely feel that the times we were forced to pinch pennies helped us to put aside some decent savings once we weren’t in such a difficult financial situation. By the way–child care plus commute for 1200 a month! That’s one of the things I plan to consider very carefully if i have kids and decide to work.
Attila–I’m glad you feel better and thanks for sharing your experience. I’ve really noticed that since my husband’s been in rehab and especially while he was in a wheel chair, we wanted to spend more on things to make our lives easier. Suddenly easy transportation and convenience items became a lot more tempting–necessary even. For someone who likes going to movies and restaurants, having a physical ailment is not the same as for someone who likes to walk everywhere and be active. I’m glad that your situation has stabilized and that you no longer feel poverty! A little financial security and some emergency savings can be a lifesaver at times.
Tim–it’s funny isn’t it, how having less money and feeling poor don’t always go hand in hand. Some of the happiest times in my life are also times when I had the least income, so I understand. Thanks for stopping by the blog.
Consciously Frugal–as always, excellent points. I think the whole ‘getting relative’ on people is a tricky thing. I myself like to try to remind myself that concepts like poverty are relative and that I have very little to complain about. . .at the same time, when people are really hurting, I’ve noticed it’s usually of little consolation to tell them that in some ways they’re lucky. Maybe you just have to see that for yourself to appreciate it?? And I like the way you talked about your mother finding ways to bring you up with a sense of abundance too. I recently worked with some kids from some very wealthy families. They had the designer jeans, but some of them definitely were not blessed with a sense of abundance–having money does not equal having a happy upbringing, for sure.
Maus–I think you make a great point about deprivation that comes with poverty. You can always learn to content yourself with what you have, but if you want to see an opera someday or send your kids to school and you can’t, well, that’s hard. I once met a man in Madagascar who said that he often wondered, “Why was I born here, in my situation, and why were you born in yours? Why not me?” I have no good answer for that, and it makes me think long and hard when I realize all the privileges I have that others don’t. As for pursuing less chaos over more power–I am right there with you. Give me a job I don’t have to think about after work. I’ll take boredom over intense stress any day.
Emily–wealth definitely can be a perception and you can lose your bearings fast. I too know people who complain all the time about being ‘poor’ or struggling who spend so much more than my husband and I . . .well, it’s tough for us to fathom really. Earning 200k a year by doing something you’re passionate about doesn’t seem like such a bad deal!
Pickler–I guess the good thing about debt is that once it’s paid off, you know you’re ok. And your debtors can force you not to eat in order to pay them back, you still have your income.
It’s so strange, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt REALLY poor. But I AM poor… aren’t I?
I sometimes worry about money, usually when my insurance refuses to cover a doctor’s visit and I’m slapped with an unexpected bill for hundreds of dollars. But most of the time, I spend pretty freely. My needs and wants are minimal enough that even my low income can fulfill them.
Sure, I’d LOVE to go to Easter Island, but I consider that a long-term goal. Knowing I won’t be able to afford to go for years (or decades) doesn’t really disturb me.
We have lots of friends that make, oof, WAY more money than we do. It very rarely impacts any aspect of the friendship. We can afford to go to weddings across the country once a year or so (that’s the age we’re at–friends getting married at regular intervals), and I just hope that not too many of our pals fall in love during any given year. We give them cheap gifts and I hope that our enthusiastic presence on the reception dancefloor makes up for it. They know we’re poor(ish) and still invite us…
As I’ve said before, being carefully and continually CONSCIOUS of our financial situation helps to forbear financial CRISIS.
AMD–yes, I do think that being aware of where you stand financially helps avoid a crisis. And as for all those weddings–our friends have been getting married now for nearly a decade, and since we know people on two continents, we’ve actually stopped trying to go to weddings when we won’t be in town. I’ve found that the most expensive, however, is being IN the wedding most of the time!
[...] Simple Life in France presents Have You Ever Felt Poor? saying “Asks for reader response on the question of having felt poor and explores what [...]
Yea, I tend to feel poor in relative terms when I compare myself to others who have cars or go out every weekend night, but I feel very rich in terms of options and things I can do in my life. I guess my feeling of poor isn’t the true meaning but them meaning of making sacrifices relative to the norm in which I live. Not easy to go against the grain.
Ryan–it’s definitely not easy to go against the grain. And I think it’s funny because even though it’s a relative situation and you can remind yourself of that, feeling ‘poor’ is no fun when it happens. Still, I think it’s great that you’ve chosen not to spend a huge part of your budget on ‘going out’ especially since I find that people tend to spend that money mainly on food and alcohol. So not worth it compared to the freedom that you’ve carved out for yourself. Thanks for stopping by.
Electricity ave- 37.00 bi monthly – 240 ish
Water ave 12.00 bi monthly 85 ish
Car insurance /tax/ test 290 euros per year…
Vet – 120 euro per year plus spare change in a bottle for emergencies.
240
85
290
120
735 – This is what we HAVE TO SPEND!
The rest is a few euros here and there, I do actually grow almost ALL our food We eat mainly veggie meals, grown at home, we have our own olive oil, and wine, our main expense is fuel for the van..
I bulk buy pasta flour rice and hoard it for the winter when we often don’t have any actually money for weeks at a time…
We don’t pay tax on our house as there is a 8 year rule here, and we’ve only been here 4 now. My husband is registered for taxes etc but we don’t earn enough… so … there you have it… it does get tough .. I’ll go into more detail when Im not so pushed for time…
Patricia–thanks for the breakdown! I’m sure there’s more to it than that at times with repairs etc. It’s interesting that you’re able to grow most of your own food–congratulations. Water, electricity and insurance are roughly equivalent to what we spend here in France–the no tax on the house for 8 years sounds like a great deal. Thanks for sharing. I think it goes to show that when you are particularly motivated by a way of life, that you can find a way to pull it off. That said, one must be motivated to live on your budget. I’d definitely be curious to learn more about how you make do!
I felt poor in college one time when I so much wanted to eat an apple but couldn’t afford it. It wasn’t something like a luxury, it was winter and I really wanted the cheapest fruit in our country. But couldn’t afford it. My friend told me I shouldn’t complain as there are people having no shelter and no food… I understand her opinion and I felt somehow ashamed for my attitude.
we used to keep our food outside of the window – having no fridge and being winter. one day we put there a home made product sent by my parents – the cheapest product made from pig fat, which was good food for us. This one got stolen that night. It was the homeless children living somewhere in the town, in some old buildings. At that point, even that was good precious food for us, we felt happy as we kind of helped those POOR kids with some poor food.
I think these days being poor is having no family and no friends. When you have family or friend
you never go hungry too long.
Maria–excellent reflections on feeling poor. When you mentioned not being able to afford fruit it really reminded me of when I was in college. My room mate and I shared groceries to keep costs down and we each got three fruits a week–usually apples. When your budget is so low that you have to ration what you eat, it is a hard feeling–and yet, as you point out, there are still others who are worse off.
And I completely agree with your comment about never going hungry for long when you have family and friends.
Hi I tried to leave a further comment on this but its very long , and doesnt seem to appear, I cannot find an email for you either… Just wanted to give you a further insight into our way of living..
Patricia–I sent you an email. I checked and I can’t find your earlier post anywhere, so I assume it’s lost in cyberspace. Thanks for letting me know–I hope it’s not happening often!
I generally feel poor when I think I’m about to do something morally gray.
I also felt poor living in expensive New York City.
However, I don’t think I’ve felt poor for a long while… even in this downturn. I think it’s a mental thing!
Best,
Sam
Sam–that’s an incredibly interesting point about doing something morally gray and feeling poor. I’ve felt that way too, working at a job I felt I couldn’t afford to quit, I argued with what I saw as serious shortcomings, but if money had been absolutely no option, I would have quit in protest then and there . . .instead of a few months later. And you know, I think I’d feel poor too living in NY-it seems like a tough place to live.
[...] Have You Ever Felt Poor?” asks A Simple Life in France. Of course. Most of my life, actually. Currently even. [...]
[...] I took away from my time in these villages. It’s something I look back on when I’m feeling poor and when I’m wondering if not having a paid job makes me a [...]
Hey thanks for the link. People in Garbage City appear to be pretty happy but I know poverty can be pretty bad for some people there.
I feel pretty poor right now. I have about $9 of money to spend and have to find $900 by this time next month for rent… I think I have it covered but am flying by the seat of my pants for the rest of the month…. Strangely I don’t feel that unhappy by the whole thing because I have seen real poverty and I know I am nowhere close. If I don’t make it my partner can help me out, or another close friend. I see these as last resorts but I have them and all is well that ends well.
I recently went through a debt management plan and now pay a set fee to my debts every month. My future financial outlook is much better and the only reason times are hard right now is due to recovering from the plan and it starting…. In two or three months I can see things becoming quite comfortable, especially as I live a much more frugal life than I used to (and I enjoy it).
“I save money by making our pasta myself, does that make us poor?”
…. No, making your own pasta makes you awesome, can we see the recipe anywhere?
Forest–thanks for stopping by. I can’t wait to see more posts about Egypt on your blog. As for the feeling of not knowing if you have enough to live on for the month, I’ve been there and it’s stressful! But like you, I’ve seen that so many other people have it much harder–and yet remain strangely happy. In fact, something I noticed in Madagascar was joy actually. People just seemed kind of exuberant much of the time–in spite of the fact that life is so hard there. I have seen the same thing when watching documentaries about Cuba–I’m not trying to romanticize poverty, but I think there’s something for staying in good spirits even during hard times.
As for the pasta recipe. . .it seems like I was going to post on that, but I can’t remember if I did or if I was still waiting to perfect my recipe. I’ll take a look.
[...] a recent discussion following the post, Have you Ever Felt Poor?, Patricia, a long-time reader of this blog and a citizen of the UK who now resides in Portugal, [...]
Strangely enough I felt poorer when I was in a good job, earning a relatively good wage, than I do now when I earn practicaly nothing. At the time both myself and partner worked long hours, earning high wages, but also had that ‘hamster on a wheel’ syndrome, we also had a morgage, insurances, utility bills, car & fuel bills… it just went on and on, it seemed the more we had , the more we felt we ‘needed…
Untill we just couldnt do it anymore, luckily we didnt have any kind of ‘crash’ but just decided very suddenly that our life was almost the opposite to what we wanted.. and to change it there and then…
So we got off the wheel… and here we are 4 years on… living on about 4,000 euros per year… and happier than Ive been in years..