False choices in frugality: ‘Lotions and potions’ versus filth and rejection.

Do you strive to cut costs in personal hygiene?  Minimize the amount of weird little vials in your travel case? Do you avoid slathering yourself in strange chemicals and them washing them down the drain?  If you’re like me you willingly drop frivolous beauty products but you don’t want to sacrifice being clean, healthy and happy to your quest for simplicity. Given my preference for ‘AND’ rather than ‘OR’ on the path towards simplification, it comes as no surprise that this article has me festering  with annoyance.  The article from the Daily Mail tells the tale of one woman who opted not to step into the shower, not to rinse her hands, not to brush her teeth for six weeks with the objective of discovering:

. . . whether we are all simply wasting our money in the name of vanity. Are all the lotions and potions that women–and millions of men–use religiously every morning merely a form of social and psychological armour, or do they have a practical physical use?

Don’t get me wrong, I value the objective of the experiment and found the article entertaining (fun fact: after 6 weeks without bathing her bacteria counts were up 5000 times but still considered ‘normal’ by doctors. . .)  I’d just ask that people examine the choice that the folks at the Daily Mail present to us: ‘lotions and potions’ or filth and rejection. The woman in question had been spending roughly 2,000 pounds a year on beauty products and then switched suddenly to not even dousing herself with water.  She staggered from one extreme behavior to another–the actions of someone who has entirely lost touch with the difference between health and cleanliness and frivolous addiction to consumer beauty products.

I’m not particularly surprised that other moms at her kid’s school found her behavior odd–are you?  People have been washing themselves to the best of their abilities since ancient times and people in third world countries with limited access to clean water continue to do whatever they can to stay clean. Not maintaining any form of personal hygiene is a behavior typically reserved to the highly depressed, the insane and it carries significant health risks*–two reasons why such behavior might be considered socially unacceptable.

*If you, like the subject of the Daily Mail article, have somehow forgotten about hand washing and germ theory, here is a very basic primer by the CDC.

Does one woman’s re-discovery that bathing serves a purpose mean that we should just default to using beauty and hygiene products without thought or question simply because some company invents them and markets them? The very premise of her experiment steers carelessly in the direction of a false choice.  What about simply washing your hands several times a day with soap (or an alcohol solution if you have allergies to soap), brushing with a toothbrush and baking soda and, say, even partaking in a weekly shower with only water and a good scrub with a washcloth?  That in itself may sound extreme to most people although it remains healthy and, dare I say, socially acceptable.  For the frugal, health-conscious or the minimalist, it only requires two ingredients: baking soda and bar soap (or rubbing alcohol).  Heck, she could have use the baking soda once a week too to wash her hair, but I digress. I admit that while the false choice presented by the article annoys me, the topic fascinates me and I’m glad it’s reaching mainstream consideration.

I’m curious to know about the various middle paths my readers (quite possibly not a mainstream sampling of people) take between good personal hygiene and social acceptance on one hand and minimalism and frugality on the other.   How many personal hygiene products have you been able to cut out?  Which ones are non-negotiable?

Save money: change your definition of attractive.

I’ve had this topic on my mind for sometime and planned a post for next week, but this article by Jacob at ERE and the following discussion inspired me to push up my ‘deadline.’  Don’t worry, I’ll post about global change later.

What we find ‘attractive’ is subjective, influenced by everything from mass media to culture, constantly changing and under our control. My modest proposal: if you want to save money on ‘grooming’ and find a partner capable of the same frugality, change your perspective, and never look back.

What exactly does it take to feel attractive?

I have two solutions for those who want to feel attractive: change your appearance or change your perspective. (Hint, one of the solutions is much cheaper and more sustainable than the other.)   For me, working out to produce ‘perfect abs,’ applying lipstick, finding the perfect undergarments or buying new clothes never cuts it.  I’ve found the secret to feeling attractive: go a month without a mirror and stop worrying about it!

Have you ever had an experience where you were out in the woods camping or backpacking and didn’t actually see yourself for a long time?  Those I know who have had this experience usually find that they feel unusually attractive during this time–or at least confident in their appearance (and I’ll swear by it myself).  If you don’t believe me, try it . . .

On being attractive to others:

“But,” you might argue, “you can feel attractive and be tragically wrong!”  Beauty is, after all, in the eye of the beholder.  Being attractive may not just be for personal satisfaction or self-fulfillment–you may actually want to find a partner who also finds you attractive.  In that respect, I think the following two questions are worthy of consideration:

• How many people need to find you attractive for you to be attractive enough?
• Who do you want to find you attractive?
• How much actual effort, resources and money are required to achieve this desired level of ‘attractiveness?’

An experiment with the bare minimum:

In my twenties I traveled through Europe with blatant disregard for my appearance.   (No, I did not look like a super model dressed in fashionable yet shabby clothes–I looked . . .frumpy).  I was surprised to learn that some men are attracted to women who carry a backpack, don’t wear makeup, don’t mess with their hair, wear the same jeans for days on end, don’t watch TV . . . I’ve found that you can ‘attract’ other human beings with minimalist efforts towards personal appearance–  AND that you may actually attract ‘higher quality candidates.’ The men that tended to find me attractive in my ‘frumpiness’ tended to value athletic activities, travel, intelligent conversation and also tended to be non-conformists. As far as numbers go, I’m sure that probably only 10-20% of men my age found me attractive–at most–I was not about to win a beauty contest, but you don’t need to win a contest to find a partner, do you?

Changing what you consider attractive in others:

By the time I met DH, I was already so picky that I wondered if I would ever be in a relationship again.  What attracted me to him?

Interests in life beyond money and status: DH had switched from being an engineer to being a primary school teacher because he liked it better and wanted more time for his family and his interests.

Low-maintenance appearance: DH dresses simply, has a low-maintenance haircut.  He is athletic-looking because he is someone who regularly enjoys sports–not because he spends hours a week in a gym ‘bulking up.’  (Don’t even get me started . . .)

Self-control in spending habits: DH lived in a sparse, low-rent apartment.  His willingness to save money on comforts and appearances allowed him (and still allows him) to spend selectively on developing passions: biking, cross country skiing, guitar . . . I didn’t have to worry about DH judging me for living in a cheap-o apartment with all borrowed furniture and sleeping on the floor.  I don’t ever have to worry about DH spending us both into horrific credit card debt!

Intelligence and ideas: DH is an educated and thoughtful person who can have interesting conversations on a number of topics (in two different languages!).  I occasionally want to shoot myself if I get stuck in a conversation with someone who has no intellectual interests, so DH’s keen capacity for abstract thought helps me avoid a messy end.

Kindness and strength of character: When we first started dating, I told DH he was  one of the nicest people I knew–and he winced, preparing to be dumped.   Apparently not everyone finds this trait attractive.  But I know too many interesting, intelligent and otherwise gifted people who seem unable to use their powers for good. 

I admit that I am possibly strange in my thoughts on what is attractive, and I’m curious to know what others think. What is your definition of ‘attractive?’  Do you find people you can appreciate easily?  Do you feel that people are attracted to those who spend more time, money and energy on appearance?

Note: I wanted to talk about frugal alternatives to dating in this post as well, but I realize there is too much to say.  It will have to wait.